My sister emailed me today and it seems that my brother is not doing so well. He’s been in and out of the hospital since August 2004 and now resides in a nursing home. He was never able to come home after being initially hospitalized that August. That’s a really long to be ill for a fairly young man (he’s only 44). If you are not able to perform well, then free cna training online is made available to you. You can try more than one time, if you fail in online training.
So tonight, my sister and I are going to go visit him. In doing such, I am going to skip my painting class again. It’s a really good thing I decided to take this class pass/fail because I have missed it 4 times already. Also it’s just a class I’m taking for fun so I feel my schedule ought to be more flexible. As long as I get all the required paintings done on time, I should be fine. Of course, I do feel a bit guilty about it. Visiting my brother definitely takes priority but being raised in a guilt-society (i.e., family) has made a lasting impression on me. I tend to feel guilty about all sorts of things-one must be responsible you know. Oi, I’m staring to sound like my dad. I’m really not sure when that happened but it definitely can’t be a good sign. If I start saying, “what the shit” then I know I’m in trouble. 😉
It’s been a couple of months since the last time I visited my brother. I really ought to go more often (for his benefit more than mine). It’s just so sad to see him in that state. While he definitely would have had an uphill battle for recovery, I’m a bit miffed at him for not trying. He kind of conceded to his problems fairly early on and it’s been downhill for him ever since. I’m a firm believer in the power of the mind over the body. I think human beings have the miraculous ability to heal themselves through positive thought, perseverance, or just plain old stubbornness if need be (or at least the potential exists). I’m not so naïve to think that you can just will yourself better in all situations, but I definitely think it’s worth the fight to try.
The last time my sister and I were there, we joked with him about trying to climb out of the window in his room. I just can’t see me lying in bed for 2 years without the urge break free. If my legs weren’t strong enough to carry me (like his aren’t) I would try crawling. If I couldn’t push myself in a wheelchair, I would convince one of the Alzheimer’s patients to wheel me out of there. Most of the Alzheimer’s patients there are in good physical health, it’s just their mental ability that is suffering. Well, coupled with someone of sound mind but poor body, together we could escape. That’s just my personality! I thought it was my brother’s too. He’s always been clever and somewhat rebellious. When they operated on this legs (to stretch the tendons so it would be easier for him to walk), he was suppose to begin physical therapy. I think he tried for a while but quit practicing when it was too difficult. Ironically, he had that same operation as a child too and had to wear leg braces for a while. Though I wasn’t around then, as a child the braces never held my brother back. It didn’t stop him from running and playing and being a kid. When the braces came off, he was fine. (Though he did grow up to be 6’5″ and has always walked slightly on his tiptoes.)
As you get older, do you have to lose that child-like resilience? Where did Joey go? That boy that bit my sister on the cheek as a young child and told our mother it was because her cheek looked like an apple. That young man that went off to college and came home and said “I prefer to be called Joe now;” that older brother that always told his baby sister stories about ghosts and werewolves that lived in our town; that professor that all the kids loved; that friend that could both make you laugh and piss you off with one quick quip. Where did he go? Where did his fight go?
He’s still in there somewhere, deep down. I need to go spend time with him now while I can. It’s his life that is ending so I should be there for him despite what I may think. He is my brother after all. What I’ve learned from all of this is that I am much stronger than I’ve ever known. My family, especially my siblings, played a part in that strength. As a child, I was either trying to be just like them or rebelling against everything they had ever done. In any case, I love them for what they were, for what they are, and for what they’ve done for me. Now, I will not only be strong for myself I’ll be strong for him too. All my love, Joey.